Why am I not Accountable?

I don't think I've ever been held truly accountable for anything in my life. I can pull up countless examples from my childhood. For example, I once cut a set of my mother's drapes. I was probably in late elementary school or even junior high. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did anyway. Afterwards, my mother noticed and she knew it was me. She asked me about it, and I denied it. I don't know to this day why I cut them, but I denied it masterfully. Denied, denied, denied. I don't think I was punished.

Later in junior high, I punched the bully who was always making fun of me and my mother in the face. He retaliated by hitting me in the gut. I lied, claimed he started it, and got him suspended for a week. That should have been me. It happened in front of the whole class. I have no idea how I got away with that. It was stone cold wrong. I should have been punished.

In high school I made a home-made pipe-bomb (this was pre columbine and 9/11 and all that) that blew up in my face. I got shrapnel in my face. I needed plastic surgery. I have a scar to this day, and I lied my ass off about how it happened. The story wasn't even plausible. Again. No punishment.

I wrote a term paper for a kid in high school. I got busted by the teacher. I got a an F for the 9 weeks, an A for the other 9 weeks and an A on the final, and I pulled a C. 2 years later I went to the teacher and told him I had been a model student - the truth - and asked him to fix it. He changed the F to a B or an A, and I got an A for the semester. Unbelievable. How ballsy! How completely wrong! Do children face any consequences in this world? I don't even remember any significant punishment from my parents. I think the fact that I didn't do much prevented them from punishing me.

These are just the examples I can think of off the top of my head. I have never faced consequences for anything. I think this fuels a sense of invincibility when I am doing wrong.

Truth: There are consequences for actions. Even if no person knows about what you did. God knows. Karma knows.

Truth: I am not a lone individual interacting with a bunch of amorphous blobs. These are real people on this Earth. My interactions with them have meaning to them and affect me. This includes my wife.

Another Brief Childhoood Anecdote

I had a good childhood. I was a happy little boy. My earliest exposure to the sex industry was probably a bit early to keep me from being screwed up. Both of my parents worked, and I was watched by two different sitters on different days. One of them was a nice high school girl. I don't think she ever did anything to help mess me up. The other was a very nice little old lady. She watched the garbage daytime talk shows while I played on the floor. When I was somewhere around 4 years old Phil Donahue had strippers on. She made me watch. "Watch this." "Watch how they strip down to almost nothing." Why the fuck does a 4 year old need to watch that! What a cluster. I never should have been exposed to that. And I definitely soaked it up. I got an erection. I remember playing with it. On the living room floor. With the baby sitter and I watching strippers on TV. It's not like I was molested. But some innocence was probably lost there.

I saw a CNN.com story yesterday in a similar vein.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/ptech/12/28/xrated.mp3.player.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch
This girl got an mp3 player that some douche bag bought, filled with porn, and returned. That girl is wrecked. Just like that.